im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
