U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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