I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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