I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
