babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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