mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
