If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
