she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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