One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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