Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
