I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
