I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
