We should be called the Road Head Warriors
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
