so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
