ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
