Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
