Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
