Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
