I want to make a zoo with you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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