Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just want nice things and good sex
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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