whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
