I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
