i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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