you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
