I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
