You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
