Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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