That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
