just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
