Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
