My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
