why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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