I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
