mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
