I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
