You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
