come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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