Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's never too late to be topless.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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