his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
