I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
