Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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