If that was your dad, he is hot
This girl is more easily done than said...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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