I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
