We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
