he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
