woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
how drunk are you?
Several
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
