you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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