Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
