i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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