When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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