walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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