Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
