Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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