if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
